Recently the man making coffees at the local cafe made a big mistake!
“So you get to socialise while your husband goes to work?” He asked while frothing the milk for my latte. That is probably the only thing that saved him a smack to the face!
“Socialise? Is that what you think us stay at home mums do? Let me enlighten you! Ok so I’m grabbing a take away coffee to take to the park where I’ll probably have one sip before I have to put it down to save a child who is about to dive off the big slide or grab a stick which is being whipped around like a sword at someone else’s child. After that I’ll most likely forget about my coffee when one of my kids says they need to do a poo…at home. Until I look down and my 16 month old is chugging down the coffee and I can say bye bye to nap time. I’ll grab all three kids and rush home to get this poo out but as soon as we’ll walk in the door it’ll be forgotten for fights about Lego. I’ll go about folding a basket of washing. Loading the dishwasher. Putting on another load of washing. Oh that poo has poked it’s head out so I’ll wipe a bottom. Make lunch. They won’t eat it. Make second lunch. Half will get eaten before I’ll hear “I’m really hungry for something beginning with a P” I’ll spend the next 15 minutes trying to guess what that is. Finally I’ll be told. “Chocolate!!!!”
I’ll fold another basket of washing. Attempt some art and craft with the kids. Christmas cards. One child will eat the stickers the other will use all of his on one card.
I’ll put the baby down for his nap now that the caffeine buzz, my caffeine buzz, seems to have worn off.
He should sleep for 1.5 hours so you may think that I’d sit down and maybe eat or drink or watch TV but no, I’ll most likely FOLD MORE FREAKING WASHING!!!!!!
Baby will wake, early, before I’ve had a chance to prep dinner. Yes it’s only 12.40pm but if I don’t do it now then we will be eating toast and my four year old will be lecturing me about how “we don’t have breakfast for dinner…silly mummy!”
I’ll shove something in my mouth that’s typically the first lunch my children rejected. I’ll sip on a Luke warm cuppa. I’ll pee. Finally.
Then more activities with the kids. Maybe Lego building or train tracks or the game where mummy is a scary monster who can only be subdued when little kids tidy up their room?!
I’ll post a picture of the aforementioned crazy on Instagram to reassure my beautiful community that they’re not alone.
I’ll start the slow walk to kinder where the kids will want to stop and inspect every blade of grass in between wrestling right on the edge of the road while I scream “DO YOU ACTUALLY WANT TO BE HIT BY A CAR?!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
My eldest will be dropped at kinder and we, me and my other two children will walk, very slowly home, only to realise that by the time we get there we might as well start walking back for pick up!
Then there’s the witching hours. The hours of screaming babies and toddlers and preschoolers and mummies, worldwide.
Then Dad will walk through the door and it will be like the entire Paw Patrol team just asked my kids to join them on a mission.
Mum? Who’s mum?
I’ll cook, clean, put away, feed, clean, wipe, clean and fold five hundred more times before we roll the kids into bed where I’ll read two books or three, or none if I’m completely and utterly destroyed.
I’ll eat. Shower. Pee. Wow two pees today, lucky me. And limp into bed, arming myself for another day, wondering if today I was enough. Did I give enough? Did I do enough? Did I inspire and create and care and love enough? I’ll then spend the next couple of hours planning on how tomorrow will be better. It won’t. But I’ll try.
Because this is my job. My job. One I take very seriously. I’m a STAY AT HOME MUM GOD DAMN IT! And I OWN IT!
So no, barrista man. You are so very, very wrong! Mummy is not socialising while Daddy goes to work. Mummy is surviving!”
Somehow I don’t think he will ever make that kind of mistake again.