Well we are 6 weeks in and I can safely say everything I’d forgotten about life with a newborn is coming back to me now. I now remember why my brain made me forget certain things in the first place!
Here’s my list of what I’d wiped from my memory
1. Never again in your life will you have a reason or excuse for it to be totally acceptable for you to leave your house with vomit in your hair. It doesn’t even have to be fresh vomit, it could be days old.
2. See above for poo, wee and snot.
3. You hear your baby cry even before it opens it’s mouth. You hear it under the shower. You hear it in your sleep (if you’re lucky enough to get any). You hear it even when your baby isn’t crying at all.
4. Daily hygiene starts and ends with changing breast pads.
5. It takes at least 30 mins to leave the house, cue poo explosion from one or both of your children.
6. Eating (for you) becomes a luxury.
7. Newborn nappies hold the total sum of one wee and one poo, don’t get cocky and push for more. You’ll pay for it.
8. Growth spurts are like a new form of torture to your nipples and your already sleep deprived mind. But they pass, thank god.
9. Your house resembles a laundromat crossed with a tip.
10. Sometimes your baby will cry for no reason at all. For. Hours. And you’ll feel useless.
11. Sometimes you’ll cry for no reason at all or for anything 1-10.
12. You’ll want to stab your husband in the eye when he complains about being tired. That’s if you ever see each other long enough to have a conversation!
13. The days fly by but some minutes seem like hours, especially those forced to endure middle of the night tv!
14. You survive on a remarkebly teeny amount of sleep which suddenly makes you feel invincible. Do not attempt to prove this theory, it’ll end in tears.
15. You become a devout believer in jinxing. Don’t ever talk about how much sleep you may be getting or how easy the baby was on a particular day, the jinx god will quickly do his ( yes of course he’s a man) best to reverse the situation!
All of this aside the truth is, amongst the chaos and poo, I’ve never been happier. So despite the lack of sleep and the unpredictability of a newborn, I’m cherishing these moments, good and bad, because they’ll be gone again before I know it!
But I want to know what your list would look like…go on!