A lesson in letting go…

My world, and the people who matter the most.
Darling Rascals

I recently received a text message that left me feeling like I may faint or vomit or both.

It was confrontational to say the least. Something I am not. In fact I avoid it like the plague.

I won’t go into the details because it wouldn’t be fair to air this dirty laundry but I will tell you that it took me right back to being a little girl, desperately trying to understand why somebody doesn’t like me.

I’ve spoken about my anxiety before and this is by far a huge trigger of mine.

I was painfully shy as a child and teenager which was often mistaken for snobbery or rudeness. Something that isolated me from the school cliques.

But the truth is all I wanted was to be liked.

Words I need to learn to live by.

Words I need to learn to live by.

It carried over into my career where I was bullied in my early radio years. Again left wondering why this person disliked me so fiercely.

In my head I asked myself what I had done wrong to illicit such behaviour. The sensible part of me said “nothing, it’s not you, it’s them” but the irrational, emotional part of me still felt like I’d caused it.

Natural Saffie

I thought I’d grown out of it but I haven’t. There’s a huge part of me still desperate to please. Desperate to be liked. Desperate to be accepted.

I go above and beyond for it. To my own detriment. Because sometimes no matter how hard you try, someone may not want what you’re selling.

And this is where I’m now at. Here again, feeling like that little girl, wondering why someone, a person who doesn’t and shouldn’t matter to me, doesn’t like me.

So I’m writing this down now, to say no more. No more will I let these people dictate how I feel about myself.

I am so whole heartedly loved by people who matter. The most important people to me, see me for who I am.

And that is all that should matter. And that is all I will let matter, from this point on.

Thank you for listening. Xx

My world, and the people who matter the most.

My world, and the people who matter the most.

13 Comments on “A lesson in letting go…”

  1. Kate

    It’s hard to let that stuff roll off – but I love your idea of focusing on the people who matter.. They are the ones who count the most.. Plus I guess at the core – yourself. ❤️

    1. Erin Giansiracusa

      It is so hard to let it roll off you…something I need to practice. The people who love us on the most, they are the opinions we should trust xxx

  2. Kim

    I can totally relate to this post Erin! That inner monologue is hard to ignore sometimes. You hit the nail on the head though, as hurtful as those words can be, they are not relevant. You are surrounded by love and people that matter. X

    1. Erin Giansiracusa

      Thank you Kim. That inner voice is a killer! But trying to focus on the people who count is key! X

  3. Sheree

    I whole heartly hear you, I can relate to what you are saying a lot, that is probably why I like your blog/intsa so much. Hard to accept that you have to let it go & trust that all the people love you are all you need, but you have to try. I think you are brave putting yourself out there on a blog, I for one think I would find it too hard as I am a cronic overthinker so I salute you, keep up the great work/words xxx

  4. Erin Giansiracusa

    Yes I too am a chronic over thinker too Sheree!! I’m practising on letting go though. I’ve got to for my own wellbeing! Thanks so much for taking the time to comment xx

  5. Laura

    Good girl! Those kind of people are not worth your time or thoughts. In fact, often that behavior is fuelled by jealousy.
    I love reading your blogs about your beautiful family and hearing about you going through all the same struggles and wonderful, happy times as I am with our 3 boys!
    For the record, at school I never saw you as the shy, awkward girl that you’ve described. I saw a funny, confident girl who I always thought was lovely! xx

  6. Meagan

    A great read Ez. I always thought you were stong and confident and happy person. I guess behind our facades it’s a different story. I hated school and felt like I never found a place to fit in. I feel like it has always been that way of trying to please, and fit in and just be accepted for who I am. And now I am judged for not just me, but my family, my children. I have had to accept that I can’t make people like me – but as much as it hurts and breaks my heart on the inside, I am the first to smile so no one can see the true pain. I have had to learn and accept I have minimal friends… But I have a loving husband, 3 beautiful kids and caring family… And that will have to be enough.

    1. Erin Giansiracusa

      Thank you Meagan. I think it’s so true about how we put on a smile to face the world when inside we feel insecure or anxious. For the record I think you’re a beautiful person and a magnificent mother. You were always so kind and thoughtful and fun at school. I say now that I can count the friends I have on one hand but gosh that hand is full of love and support. Big hugs! X

  7. Abby

    I hear ya! No matter how much we try and build ourselves up, a stray ball can always knock us down when we’re not expecting it. x

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